One of my words in my tagline is ‘Transformation’. When you read about Sexological Bodywork or somatic sexual education, you might have come across some of the practices we can use to get you more ‘in our body’ and increase erotic embodiment. You might have contemplated doing something like ‘orgasmic yoga’ or mindful erotic practices, or changing how you self-pleasure.
What do you feel about this? Is it all positive? Or are there some niggling feelings of inadequacy, fear that it wouldn’t work for you, lingering feelings from times in the past where you might have tried something new? Maybe it was yoga or meditation, a new approach to diet or a psychological talking therapy where you had homework to do? It can be hard to get started, always putting it off or doing your new practice for a few days and drifting back.
Changing habits is HARD! Human beings have a built-in resistance to change.
When resistance and perfectionism pops up in sex coaching
Sometimes sexuality professionals seem to have perfect lives, glowing with the results of following their own teachings in aspirational marketing. They have only ‘good’ habits! It is easy to think this work isn’t for you. But in our training, we explored our own resistance and our ‘Core Erotic Distraction’ (what distracts us from being in our body and sensation?) and I know my own resistance well. I know that for a client, feeling that your old way is ‘wrong’ and you are being cheered on to do it ‘right’ at the click of the practitioner’s fingers, is likely to raise feelings of inadequacy and frustration, and more resistance.
Embarking, perhaps for the first time ever, into the murky territory of addressing something about your sexuality, fantasy, masturbation, is likely to unearth difficult feelings of shame, inadequacy and fear. And definitely resistance!
Conscious or mindful practices are about acceptance of whatever is there, so together we would notice the resistance.
There is no perfection, or ultimate goal, and you as the client set the agenda. The question is ‘what is, or isn’t working for you? What are you curious about? Where would you like to be?’ I am acutely aware that our inner experience is messy and imperfect and resistance is real. And transformation is possible. We truly are in it together!
If you are curious about Sexological Bodywork or somatic sexual education, please email me or fill in a contact form.
Thanks for reading.