As someone setting up a practice in the professional field of sex education and coaching (for more information click here), this question seems to hang in the air everywhere I go!
Photo by Mike Kear http://www.mikekear.com/
It seems to be based on these beliefs;
- Sex is private and personal and should stay hidden.
- Sex should only happen in a relationship between 2 people in a sexual/romantic relationship.
- Sex is something we should all be able to just ‘get’ in our lives.
- It’s natural and something we should just handle ourselves, no need to learn or practice for sex.
- It’s immoral or shameful to exchange money for something sexual, or erotic, or touch.
Imagine if we said the same about counselling or talking therapies (well, some people still have an aversion, but it’s socially acceptable to go and see a therapist and the NHS provide it).
Emotions are private and personal and should stay hidden.
Emotions should only happen in private/personal relationships.
Emotional support is something we should just ‘have’ in our lives.
Emotions are natural and something we should be able to handle ourselves.
It’s immoral or shameful to pay someone to take on our emotions.
Most people would agree that there are huge benefits to turning to a professional therapist when it comes to our emotions, thoughts and feelings. Why then is there such stigma when the therapeutic or education model involves sex and sexual feelings?
I look at it like this. Like emotions, sex is a part of human experience. I question every one of the above beliefs. Many of them have moralistic or religious underpinnings. Others seem to be based on assumptions about people’s situations and disregard that some people are more privileged and resourced than others. Generally, we get terrible sex education and porn as a sex educator has serious limitations. It is valid to practice and learn sexual skills (see my blog later in the month, about creating your own Practice Space).
I believe that we should replace these unhelpful beliefs with more progressive, sex positive ones. Let’s embrace the positive potential of our sexuality, and of intimacy and connection with others. If people need help around this part of their lives, then this should be a choice available to them.
We all deserve to thrive, not just survive!
If you want to explore the idea of seeing a Sexological Bodyworker, I offer free 30 minute Skype calls or phone calls. Contact me on by clicking here.
Thanks for reading.